Self-Reflection...

...for a little bit, with something that happened last night.

So exactly what happened last night? There was an activity by Valerie`s friend/roommate Katherine, who is also studying or an actual social worker...she did something called "reconnaisance de soi", or knowing oneself in English. It was all right, and she pretty much did it in the format similar to personality tests and questions such as "what do you want people to say about you when you die?". Some of the answers were quite interesting, and I really like Stephanie`s response to the previous question: Bon Voyage. It really says a lot about her personality, and how a line so simple can have such a deep meaning to it. And I also love (rolling eyes) Mike`s answer to the question "What would you bring with you if your house is on fire?": his luggage (with his clothes inside), his MP3, his cell phone...all material things. (I teased him by asking him if he is expecting a fire to happen because he has all his clothes in his luggage bag)

You guys may think the test brought some form of light or epiphany moment for me, but no, it was something else. With one part of the test, Katherine wanted us to pick a person we know least about in the group and share results, and Maxime immediately turned to me to do that. I was game, but I was surprised that she chose me to do this. After the test, I asked Maxime why she chose me, and if she really thought she knew me the least from the group. She said yes, she knew me the least and that we hardly talk to each other...she felt like she knew Mike (who she dislikes) more than me. I told her that I was surprised, and although I don`t know her background enough, I thought I knew her as a person really well. Then she asked me who I knew the least from the group (Charles or Stephanie), and pretty much summed it up to me never hanging out with them and stuff...

What she said got me thinking about how I fit in in the group and what role I play there. And honestly, I am not exactly in a group with anyone, and that`s because I kind of choose to drift myself outside of "cliques" (Stephen at one point called me "borderline anti-social", which I was slightly shocked and miffed about because people would not call me anti-social in normal circumstances). And this has been happening since February, when a couple of people said they don`t think I ever talk about myself and I am often off on my own doing something else. Now, I enjoy my independence, and every now and then everyone needs their space, but what Maxime said really got me thinking. How much do I know everyone that I live with? Everyone in the house is unique and interesting, and why am I not putting enough energy to discover that? Cliques are pretty much apparent in this stage of Katimavik...if I don`t do anything where would I be in the group the next couple of months?

I think I should make some changes to my behaviour...things to think about...

On the upside, work was good today...I discussed my Katimavik Learning Plan with Claudie (KLP is one of the stupid things about Katimavik; I don`t need a couple sheets of paper to improve myself and become a better person), and talked to her about what I want to achieve in my job and stuff. She whole-heartedly agreed with everything I said, and added that she wants me to be happy at work and other stuff like that. With that, I told her that actually I have some dissatisfaction at work recently, despite the fact that I enjoy working at the cafe. I told her that working with her gives me pressure, because working with her is like working with myself at my prime (when I love what I do and am super-duper good at it), and many times I felt like I couldn`t keep up with her and instead was in her way. Although she was never mean about things, she would kind of take over the task I had difficulty with and then I would pretty much feel like an imbecile after...plus often she would say things in French to me and I get lost (not that I am complaining, but I just wish it`s easier for me to pick up). I told her all this stuff and pretty much she laughed and said I am the perfect employee, and I need to learn to relax. And she definitely agreed that we need to communicate more...very happy about that.

One up + one down = neutral day